They called me on their way to where I live to give me the task of getting waters and a snack to bring to the party. I love having that kind of direction of being given specific things I can do to help out. Just as I was changing into something casual, I heard a knock at my door and there they were standing on my porch. I quickly finished changing and we were off to The Gap to help j find some work clothes.
While at the store, my job was to hold j’s items that she was picking out to try on as she shopped. When G told me this, I felt a wave of humiliation because it was such a public place and I didn’t know what people would think and of course, my reoccurring fear of not doing it right. However, as I was doing this task, it served two purposes: it kept me focused on j and not on my own shopping, which was not my purpose for being there (a bit of that self-control they are working on with me) and secondly, it gave me a chance to connect with her. Of course, I always like being helpful and I got to be a friend too.
We wrapped up the shopping and then met M. E and j for dinner. It was so nice to socialize with them. I really like them. M. E. reminds me so much of me when I’m working. She sees the big picture and will bring it up whether people like it our not, but she does so in a way that is very diplomatic and respectful. I try to be that way too. I can be so dominant when I working, and I often I tell it like it is.
The honesty I value so much is a D/s relationship also comes true for me in my interactions with people who I am not submissive too. Sometimes, this can be too much for people, but when I see problems or things that need to get done, I can get downright bossy about them. I think back to a time when my ex called my classroom and heard me being assertive with the students. He said it really turned him on to hear me take control. The problem with that is when I have to be in control of people who resist my control, it is just so draining. Now, it is different for me when I’m in control of people who want my leadership. For example, when I was taking over somewhat as office manager at the film festival, I was totally getting off on that. People needed me, because they didn’t know what they were doing. They wanted someone to take charge. I loved that kind of respect and attention. I could do that all the time, but I don’t think I could ever be that way in the bedroom. I think this sort of dominance on my part is still inline with being a submissive, because it’s the attention I’m getting off on. Through my being dominant with the situation I’m pleasing people who I am submissive to, i.e. the board of directors. But I was always a bossy child, so who knows. I still know I’m much more at peace submitting.
So, back to the night. We had to rush a bit though the end of the dinner to get to the party by 7 pm, because they had to have a meeting first before the play party. j had given me a print out of submissive poses to read while they were having the meeting. I studied those during the meeting while sitting and G and j’s feet. That’s where I had wanted to be since Wednesday when I had my little orgasm control emotional crisis. It felt so comforting to sit at their feet and know I was theirs. I caressed G’s leg and hand while they met as he stroked and petted both j and me. I’m still a little unsure about showing my affection to G and j, so I am still a bit more reserved than I would like to be, but even having that light physical interaction was nice and comforting.
G had mentioned that M. S would be at the party earlier in the evening, so I was thinking about that. Whether or not I was ready to get my nipples pierced. I knew that if M. S was there, it would be a very definite possibility. I didn’t really think I was ready for it, but I also worried that if I didn’t do it that night I would probably get home and be regretting it. So after M. S got there and the meeting had ended, we begin unpacking the van for the party. I told M. S it would be fine for him to pierce me, but then I told G I didn’t think I was ready. Ok, miss mixed-message girl! I guess they only needed one okay from me to consider that consent, but I’ll write about that more in a bit.
G and j practiced their performance piece. It’s still amazing every time I see it to watch j moving through the ropes, especially her first flip. The music was good with it as well, but her boots were giving her a hard time. I want so much to come up with a solution to the problem of the boots, but I think they are well on their way. It looks like I may have helped them find some good music for the performance, so I’m happy about that.
After the performance, we went downstairs where j had me practice the submissive poses I’m learning. She would call out a number and I would have to get in to the pose. I would get a little flustered trying to remember the numbers quickly in front of everybody, but I think I did okay. G and j were both helpful and not in anyway mean when I didn’t get it right. In fact, j gave me a nice pointer on how to remember Position 5, which is on all fours. While, j practiced with me, G helped M. S tie up his slave and quizzed me on what I had been reading in persephone’s blog. This was an assignment he gave me last week. And I have been reading it whenever I get a chance, but I wasn’t really very good at telling him what I had read. I always get flustered when I’m given such open-ended questions. T_W used to do the same thing to me, and I would never know what to say. Later, I would be able to concoct a better answer, but by then it was too late; it had lost it’s meaning. I think they want your spontaneous thoughts. Maybe my mind is too simple, or I’m just fearing letting them down. Also, I think it’s a little bit of me still guarding myself, because if I had not had my guard up I would have talked a lot more about the affection persephone and her owners share. Also, I would have asked questions about her owners’ involvement in her search for a LTR. I think maybe I would have talked more if I had less of an audience as well. I felt a bit on the spot.
Have a mentioned how much I loved being at G and j’s feet? Can you imagine what L, my ex, and my friends would have said to see me sitting at his feet? But I would have felt so much more centered there.
Anyway, M. S. sort of interrupted me trying to think of things to say to G about persephone, so that got sidetracked. G finished tying and told me to put my hands behind my back, stick out my chest, and close my eyes. I did it, but at the same time, I was thinking, “I can not get my nipples pierced in this position without anybody holding me.” So I said, “If you’re going to pierce my nipples now, could somebody at least hold my hand.” M. E. started to giggle and say, “Oh, honey, no…” She just wanted to try some alligator style clips on my nipples. Everybody giggled at my fear and I relaxed a bit. Just in time for a good beating from G and j that was interspersed with me practicing poses and following orders. I got scolded for taking my shirt all the way off when G hadn’t told me too. I love feeling like a little girl when I displease my Sir and then being quick to obey and fix my bad behavior. I used to love when T_W used to scold me for trivial things. Serious things that I do I need to be reasoned with and treated like an intellectual, but fun little mess-ups that I don’t do purposely are a great way to punish me and keep me submissive without totally breaking me down emotionally.
As G and j were flogging me, spanking me, and pinching me, much more gently than normal, I could see M. S. setting out a blue medical pad and supplies. So, I knew I was going to get pierced. I had resigned myself to it, but was still not sure if I wanted it. I wanted some sort of symbol to represent my new embracing of my lifestyle, but I was really afraid of the pain and also the care of the rings. G and j kept getting me deeper into subspace. G was rubbing his foot into my pussy, which felt wonderful, but wasn’t enough to make me cum. I need more stimulation than that, but my fear and the impact play were getting me pretty spacey. So, everything in the world was good. If I was going to get pierced, I was going to get pierced.
G leaned me against his leg while j caressed my arms, my back, and I think it was she who held my hand while M. S prepped my nipples. As he did that G continued to give me some pain here and there; I think to keep me spacing away. I didn’t look too much; I felt safer with my eyes closed. I was so confused during the whole process, because the clamps M. S put on hurt like hell and I thought I was already pierced. Also, (now that I’ve seen a picture) G was pulling on the clamps occasionally while M.S prepared materials. So, when he finally drove the needles through, I was shaking and whimpering like a very scared baby, but I don’t think I felt the needles that much. I was surprised when they said I was done. Taking off the clamps though, with the blood rushing in, was another wave a pain that made me completely shaky.
They got me up on a chair so M. S could put the rings in. They look very lovely, I think. One is a little crooked from me bouncing on G’s foot as he tried to help me cum during the piercing. I’ve heard about people cumming during the piercing, but that unfortunately didn’t happen to me. The subspace from the fear and the pain was a wonderful combination, so I didn’t feel at all like I missed out on an orgasm. I can get the piercing “adjusted” (repierced) later after it heals, but maybe it being slightly crooked is okay. A good reminder?
After I had recovered a bit and M. S adjusted my rings a little more, I was given the opportunity to caress j after her flogging. I really enjoyed watching her being flogged in person, because I know how she needs that just like I do. Her back and rear turned such a pretty red. When she moans and cries, you can tell she is in pain but can also hear the release in her. G asked me to take some pictures, but I was still so spacey, I didn’t do a very good job with that. I’ll remember next time, to just grab and click. Caressing her while she floated on the floor was a nice way to be close to her, but of course I couldn’t completely relax because I still wasn’t sure I was doing it right. I don’t know what a woman wants, and I want to be a good submissive for her. I wanted to give her little kisses on her back, it was so red and warm, but I didn’t know if that was okay. G will probably say, “You should have asked.” And I will, I just forget still and also let my apprehension block what my emotions want to do.
J and I continued to recover, while G helped E suspend m upside down on the cross. We also watched M. E beat on her sub most deliciously. She can be downright mean, but she is so cute while she’s doing it, that you can’t help but love her. It was adorable to watch them express their affection for each other as the playfully wrestled after a scene that actually made him bloody.
After that, j and I came upstairs where she helped me rub G’s feet and we did some more training for me. After we had some time for G to refresh and refuel, I got my first suspension. As soon as G started putting the rope around me to place me in chest harness, I could feel myself floating again. The suspension was amazing. I was on my side and hanging by the chest harness and my ankle, with the other leg supported on my leg that was tied. I felt my body stretched. My muscles were taunt with the rope and in my mind I was beautiful. G wanted to tie me by my hair so he would have a leash to spin me around with, but my hair is so fine that it wasn’t working. So I suggested he use my mouth and he took me up on that. I was lightly gagged and he had a perfect hold to spin me around. I didn’t want to come down and actually probably could have had an orgasm just from being up there, but I was too shy to ask in public without G prodding me, so I resisted it. Plus, I was afraid to ask for one and then not be able to actually cum. I used to have that problem with T_W. He didn’t make me ask for them, but he did expect me to announce them. Sometimes, I would announce too soon for fear of cumming accidentally before I announced and then getting a punishment. But when I announced too soon, then I would feel all sorts of pressure and not be able to cum at all. So, sometimes I faked them with T_W. I refuse to do that with G and j. It’s not honest, and I will always try to be honest with them.
Like I said, I didn’t want to come down, but my fingers were getting a little numb, so G brought me down. I spent the rest of the evening sitting as a space cadet at their feet. After some more recovery time, it was time to pack up and go. Of course, as always now I wanted my time to be longer, but it felt nice to have them taking me home rather than to be driving on my own back to my house. It gave me a continued sense of being owned.
On Sunday, when I talked to G he said that because our dynamic has changed, they want me in the room with them at Exotica. I felt like such a happy little girl when he said that and a wonderful wave of contentment and sexual energy surged through the center of my body.
I see my new nipple rings as a simple of their ownership over me. Two rings—two people—each sharing in the ownership of me—one soul—one body. I’m still overwhelmed by how all this came together, but so happy. I wish I could share this with more people, but for now I’m overwhelmingly thankful for my lifestyle friends who have met me at the beginning of my journey and share and support me in my growth. Thank you!
1 comments:
We were so proud of you on Saturday night. We were pruod to have you with us and serving us as well as learning. You are certainly a joy to have around!
Great Blog!!! Keep up to good work.
G & j
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